Monday, September 30, 2013

Life.


Why is life the way it is? 
I think i've been asking myself this question very seriously now for the past six months. Where am I going? What should I be doing? what do I want to do? What does my heavenly father have in store for me? 

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have hit a huge roadblock in my life. I like to call it, decisions. I've gone back and forth wondering what my life purpose is. What are my talents? how can I use them to do something I love? what if I have spent the last four years and two degrees later, wasting my time doing something I am completely unhappy with? I have struggled trying to understand why this process has been so hard for me. I seem to look around me and everyone has it together, they know what they want and they are going after it. This path that I am on is extremely skewed. Thanks to me, I think i've messed that up a couple of times. Through this time, i've been really selfish. I could go into it, but lets just say that I haven't exactly lived up to the person I should be. I wish I had someone to slap me across the face and tell me to wake up and start living this beautiful life around me. WHO CARES? who cares that I don't know what I want to be? or how I want to do it? Today I told myself I was going to do what makes me happy. What that is, I don't know yet. I know though if I make sure i'm making my husband and the lord happy, that's all I need to do to eventually get my answers. I'm so grateful for my religion. The hope, strength, knowledge and satisfaction it brings me. I have never had a testimony so clear in my life than I have in this past week. I know things will come together, but this thing called life-it sure isn't easy. I can't wait for general conference this weekend. For that sweet reassurance that our heavenly father loves us. I have cried more this week than I think I have our entire marriage. Realizing that the person you are isn't the person you want to continue being, is a hard wake up call. Change is so good and I can't wait to be a better person everyday for that amazing person I call my husband. I can't wait for this weekend, I know that there will be messages that I need to hear. I hope you find something that applies to you, too. 


oh, and I'm making my blog private. If you want to read my crazy posts, comment with your email address. 

Have a lovely week! 


5 comments:

  1. Girl, you are a beautiful writer and a beautiful lady too, of course! You're not alone with the feelings of having no idea where life will take you next. So grateful for the Gospel. Thanks for the lovely posts! Make sure I can still read your blog! Love you! heidicurzon at gmail dot com.

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  2. First, I want to be allowed to read your blog still. LinneaAnne at gmail dot com.

    Second, I completely relate with this. Last night I was lying in bed, crying - realizing that I was probably the least cool wife in the universe and feeling sorry for myself and for Jeff - and I suddenly thought that if I were a character in a book I was reading right now, I would probably hate me. So then I decided it was lucky that I could write my own story from here on out - I didn't have to stay this sniveling pathetic character. I have so many things to be grateful for, and so many opportunities.

    It's hard, though.

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  3. katelyn.duncan(at)live.com

    It's scary to realize you don't know yourself anymore, but because you are choosing to do something about it and make a change things will get better!

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  4. your amazing erin, love reading your blog! Brayliann@hotmail.com

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  5. Love you dear. I think you are amazing and have more talents than I can count:) Let's do something soon! And of course I want to continue to read your blog. koskilauryn@gmail.com

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